Keep It Simple

Everyday we make decisions. Some of them are really stupid and silly like: do I go shopping today or tomorrow? Or do I cut my hair at that new hairdresser everyone is talking about or do I cut it at my local hairdresser? Should I buy low fat or normal milk? Should I pay here or there? Basic normal daily decisions! Most of us learn fast when we make the wrong decision – the new hairdresser cut too much, low fat milk tastes like crap, next time check what people are paying for before standing in line etc etc etc and we once these simple decisions are organized in our heads new ones simply pop up in their place. Maybe this is the meaning of life – decisions, decisions and more decisions.
Most of us base our decisions on experience,  values and other people´s decisions. So I guess either way there is no right or wrong in our decision making – the outcome of our choices define more or less who we are, where we are going and what we hope to get when we get there.
If the world is simply a place of daily decisions imagine it all came down to good and bad decisions… and at the end of each day a gigant computer downloaded all the “1´s” and “0´s” ( for argument sake 1 = good decision and 0= evil decision ) and summed up who is winning the “battle of the souls” .
I believe that this is how it all started out. A gigant computer had two programmers – EVIL and GOOD. They hated each other ( well GOOD didn´t hate evil – he just thought EVIL could be more “user friendly”) . So as centuries went passed these competitive computer “nerds” offered the best they could to their clientes ( you and me and other common mortals) the best software they could. However somewhere along EVIL read a book that explained the wonders of offering a “free prize” to clientes. GOOD said no its wrong, do not do that bla bla bla and EVIL proposed to GOOD that for every good person that makes an “evil” decision EVIL got a bonus point and vice versa. At first GOOD wasn´t really “into this idea” but with some effort GOOD saw that he too was getting a “free prize”. And this my friends is when so many other professions came along or I dare to say civilization as we know it today. So on and on this goes until this day. For us the consumers of GOOD and EVIL products are messy and confusing world!
I believe I am a good person ( don´t we all?) but seriously I do. I try and make my daily decisions using GOOD products and sofware. But some days I feel EVIL gets browny points.
I do not always listen to when someone is need, like when a car breaks down in the rain and I simply cannot be bothered to offer help because I just do not feel like it, or when “another” charity institution needs help and I think “well it is not MY fault they cannot find the cure for the disease” – I think you get the idea. But then there are days when someone is by nature cruel helps out a hungry dog, or doesn´t yell at their kids, or helps an old lady across the road that I guess … things cannot be that bad!
GOOD and EVIL are the only companies we have. There is nothing we can do about that! We can however choose the products we want to buy … the way we want to use them … and remind ourselves that tomorrow is always another option!

I, like most of you reading this blog, find it very hard to talk about pain. Once the heart has been shredded fiercely, the nights tedious, the days an effort to get through, we sit with the ones we love and simply close up. We talk about what happened, we share the experience and every detail but we do not talk about pain. I read the above quotation and couldn´t help feel terribly vulnerable. Written in the Hebrew Talmud, “… God counts her tears…” I simply broke down and cried. There was no one around to explain the “why” and the “because” of my feelings, or to transform my tears into a funny joke, or to silently judge the authenticity of my tears. I sat by myself with these words in my heart and I cried. I cried in joy for having learn´t from so many mistakes, I cried in hope that my daughter is stingy with her tears, I cried for the tears of my friends… I cried for every woman who understands what it feels like to open up and cry. In a strange way I understood why God counts our tears. He counts them because we are fragile. This is who we are. However He counts them and cries too. He cries to see what beautiful, intelligent, wonderful women we have become. We have forgotten our worth, He cries because He has not.

” He is not attracted because I am fat”
“He yells because I bother him”
“He cheats because I do not give him enough attention”
” He comes home late because I work too much”
” He is rude because my friends do not like him”
” He uses me because I can help him”
” He never calls because I am busy”
” He doesn´t want to get married because I have intimacy issues”
” He spends more time with his friends because I have a baby now”

I have not lived all the frases personally but I know that most of you can identify with at least one of them. It is about you, it about your relationships but most importantly it is about what we say to ourselves in pain.
Ladies I wish to remind you … God counts your tears yet He knows this is not His way for any of us.

I do not know what has happened to most of us. We all seem to live in a fantasy world where men are becoming extinct so we hunt them down like warriors and once we get them back in the cave … oh well we ain´t gonna let them leave no matter what it takes!

Sounds funny reading it this way doesn´t it? Most of you are smiling and thinking “oh no I am not like that!” Well, you are lying to yourself! But it is ok. It is our survivol / emotional instincts kicking in ( plus age, society, friends bla bla bla always give a helping hand)

The father of my child is emotionally unstable. He is now dating a healthy emotional woman. She knows he is not stable however she has decided to stay with him. You see, someone probably told her, she was over 40 and that its is her last chance bla bla bla. She became a hunter, took him into the cave and switched off the light.

A sexy, smart and sensible friend of mine is dating a younger guy. He is young, insecure and immature. She knows he is still growing up, she knows she deserves a grown up man, however she is still hunting him down and dragging him to the cave. ” A challenge” she lies to herself ” because I love him and he will grown up one day”

A woman that doesn´t know how to hunt, has decided to start hunting. Somebody told her that it was time to move on. “You need a change. Get out of your comfort zone. Meet new people. ” someone said. So she did… she became a hunter and realized what a bother it was to chase men with a stick but lied and said I am learning a new lifeskill.

Ladies and now I am being serious…time for a loving reality check. No one is becoming extinct! There is enough for everyone! Nor is the world ending fast if you are not settled by the year 2010! People do not enjoy being hunted! Hunting generally reminds us of death! I know it is such a silly concept but hey it is true!
Hunting is not a skill! It is a sport! It is a sport about death! The object is to kill!

I think I have your attention right? I have a 13 year old daughter who I love to sit and talk to. She is at a tender age where she listens and watches adults carefully. If I were to explain to her why women have become hunters she wouldn´t understand… but she would follow the concept. And that my dears is the problem. Her first boyfriend gave her a “commitment ring” ( cute hey? ) Well she doesn´t wear it and when I asked her why she said ” I thought that you would be the first person to understand!” I didn´t!
Apparently because she sees me as such a “liberated woman” who does her own thing, who doesn´t need a ring to feel commited to someone bla bla bla. My ego almost burst at first but when I listened to what she was saying I realized I had expressed myself terribly wrong all these years. I explained to my daughter that I believe that a woman should only wear a ring on her finger when the commitment and love that it represents is real. That when you offer a ring it should be not impulsive and trendy. Keeping it simple: would she use for the ring for right reasons?

She gave it some serious thought. A few days later the ring was back in a box.

God counts our tears … He counts ALL our tears, women who hurt women, men who hurt women, mothers that hurt daughters, brothers that hurt sisters, friends that hurt friends, women who hurt men, fathers that hurt mothers but most importantly women that hurt themselves. The truth is that we hurt ourselves by our choices. The choice not to listen to ourselves. We hurt when we do not listen to what we are saying, we hurt when we do not listen to our choices, we hurt when we do not listen to our ourselves. To every women who has shed a tear in pain I remind you God counts your tears with you, reminding you to listen to every tear drop, to listen to every word that caused that tear and to remember in every tear YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN YOUR CHOICE TO CHANGE AND REMEMBER YOUR TRUE WORTH.

So much had been written about relationships that I cannot help but get bored from time to time about this subject. But the truth is we love this topic. We love it as much as we love to gossip. We love to listen to commercial songs, read crappy books, wow we even try horoscopes.  Unfortunately I too have fallen to victim to this trend. It is February … the month of relationships. Singles moan and groan and try very hard to let this holiday slide by as fast as they can,  people in relationships have a good look where they are going. Most couples get engaged this month, others simply start seeing the cracks and  prepare for summer, others simply enjoy this romantic day to enjoy and renew their love  for each other .

So if this thing called love is basically grouped into these three groups :  singles,  couples and problematic relationships why does it seem so hard for  us to be happy in any of  them?  As songs, books and star signs ( keeping the list short here but of course there are so many more influences ) try very hard to explain how each out could find happiness. Does this mean we are ALL unhappy?

I still haven´t figured it if I am unhappy when I am single, with a guy or in a bad relationship. Maybe this is why we all read, listen and talk about this. Maybe deep down we are hoping that someone else figures out what will really make us happy. I know I would love to meet someone who just said follow this through, do not cheat along the way, and pay the bill on your way out.

But we all know that this simply wouldn´t be fun now would it. There is always a thrill in any situation you find yourself. Singles are always searching for true love, couples are always searching for true spark, and complicated relationships are always searching for true peace. Strange sounds like we are all searching for exactly the opposite of what we want. ( WOW this is so original!!! Enough sarcasm please. I AM going somewhere with this line of thought and there will be a grand “finale” )

In our quest for true happiness in love we seem to believe that what we do not have will make us happy. Well, to keep this very simple: we are all terribly IMMATURE!

Dear Sirs and Madams the last time I heard this kind of crap was with a three year old in tears because she did not get what she wanted.  We all sound like  toddlers when it comes to such an important part of our lives…  as they great man said: YOU CAN`T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT BUT SOMETIMES YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED! Suck it in people, pull up your pants and take it like a man!

Love is not the answer nor will there ever be an answer to love. Chessy or not this is simply how things are. You see deep down no one really cares that much about it. We are all just brats having tantrums about the silliest things that in a couple of years we won´t even remember. Remember most of us take for granted that life works itself out, that we are all special and loved and most importantly we are all living the life we have choosen to LIVE. Deep down we answer our own questions and send payment to others. Stop paying other people to figure out who you are in any relationship … simply enjoy that you have ALL THAT YOU REALLY NEED!

My grandmother used to smoke. I remember watching her as a child light up ( always with an elegant lighter )  and  smile.  There was something so elegant about her.  Last year I was smoking about 30 a day. Not elegant in the least. So I cut back…drastically. I bought an elegant lighter
( I was using matches and sometimes 2 stones would do the trick) and used an elegant  box ( actually my best friend offered me the stunning cig. box ). The tiny box is limited with space which is brilliant , only 7 cig. and 1 lighter ( that is it for the day ). Now my dear that is not only elegant but it is smart for I , too, am suffering with limits.
We have no idea how much to eat, sleep or drink. Every single object that goes down our throat is numbered - based on the GDA  ( Guideline Daily Amount ) Calories, Sugars, Fat, Saturates and Salt . Our roads have speed limits( 120 km / 80 km / 60 km) , our ideal weight is controlled based on height, weight, gender, sex and age, working hours are limited and defined by unions and the list goes on. So I have decided to use my own system. The little box theory and it works. Ok so maybe some of you more fundamentalists will still say that I should stop, quit , end smoking all together. Mmmhh maybe you are right. But at this moment my personal LBL ( little box and lighter) method works for me.

My best friend says she misses the days when smokers were accepted and respected. I miss the days when “people” were tolerant and polite. I believe that this too shall pass, the smoking frenzy, and that things will go back to normal when each person took responsability for their actions. Too much? Too crazy? Or maybe we will live in a society where we can define our own limits about what we eat, drink, smoke, sleep, drive…and that my dear is rather ELEGANT.

I love Dr. House. And so do you. I know you do. I know because you voted and he won. One of the “sexiest man” on the planet for 2007. But why do we find a sarcastic, emotionally and physically crippled man sexy? Why do we love Dr. House? Why are we voting for this guy? Why do we find this guy attractive?

My best friend once explained to me that we love people who do and say the things we don´t. Mmmhh. Ok so we love the ability to be “dark” and hurtful because deep down we have a Dr. House inside of us and we do not use it because it is socially incorrect?

When my best friend explained the Dr House theory she was actually telling me a story about a one night stand who was “fishing” for a lift home in the morning. She told the “one night” stand that she was not familiar with the neighbourhood.
Of course I giggled. The “neighbourhood” is as “hidden” on a the map as London is “unknown” a global scale.

Great thinkers of the 80´s once said:
“I OWE YOU NOTHING” ! ( Mmmh which translated to this story would mean – get a taxi home!)

We love Dr. House ( and people who are like him ) because they are not victims of their actions, nor do they take to victims likely.

Keeping it simple the Dr. House way – Talk the talk and walk the walk.

PS- But DR. HOUSE “sexy”??? NOOOOO

I was on the internet the other day, tired from doing webpages the whole day, I decided to take a break and visit an old friend. Well, actually he is more than old friend, he is my ex boyfriend. We met on a flight , exchanged details and fell inlove. My ex boyfriend, was looking for someone to upgrade his webpage. I worked for weeks on his webpage, using a new original software to upgrade his original design, until I had the best I could offer and we broke up.
He has kept his original webpage.
When I saw his webpage I couldn´t help but see that my original project was so much better. But he still loves his “old” outdated webpage. Even though to me it looks so old fashioned, the truth is that this is the webpage that makes him happy.

I had dinner with another ex this week. We met years ago, as neighbours , spoke for hours and fell inlove.
Ironically after all these years of moving constantly, we are still neighbours. After a bottle of wine and 5 hours of listening to him I realized he is still Peter Pan. Sharing all his adventures with a spark in his eye and looking for the “real” Never Never Land. He made me smile because he is happy in his own world. I however was never Wendy, and even though I tried to be a part of his fantasy world, I always knew in my heart that one day Wendy would grow up.

My best friend told me she too had a similar experience this week with her ex. They were childhood sweet hearts, together for 10 years and very much inlove. He was telling her that he feels trapped and needs to leave his job and find the “light” at the end of the tunnel. The same “light” that made him leave her, his job and his friends years ago. She was smiling when she told me how he hasn´t changed and now is thinking of moving again.

I heard a young woman say that desire usually means not having what you want. Like my ex looking for Never Never Land, or my other ex and new technologies, or my best friend´s ex not accepting that maybe staying is the “light”. Maybe we suffered with these ex´s because they made us realize that we never really knew them.
Maybe what we wanted was the desire to change. Maybe we needed to first change ourselves.

I wouldn´t date any of my ex´s again. I cannot accept them for who they really are. This is why I say that ex´s never change. They are the same people whatever label you give them.
Everything really does happen for a reason. You meet, talk and fall inlove. You will do it over and over again. Until you get it right. And when you do, all you will desire, is what you have and not what you can change